It’s officially March 1st, which means it’s my birthday month; & Also about to be the week of my birthday considering it’s next week but less than a week away on March 6th. Birthdays are always somewhat uneasy for me, but I am not terribly distraught over turning 22.
I have always had so much anxiety over another year going by even if it held more potential ‘freedoms’ to ‘opportunities.’ Now at 21 with nothing to really gain after finally being of absolute legal age to do things I’ve been doing for years already, I am somehow at peace with this upcoming birthday. Maybe not with what I’ve done, but with what I am doing, the foundation I have set. I am in my 20s, and I am ready for everything. I have devoted years to be where I am and I am so glad to have made it so far with so much of my youth still in tact. I have been on my own since I was a teenager and have been from homelessness and being penniless to having stability. With my love, my band, my cat, this family. Even though I miss my siblings and parents so terribly sometimes, I know it won’t always be like this. I won’t always be far. It won’t always be years between goodbyes. All because of what I am doing now. What I have to be doing now. Plus I am finally starting to have some fun out of my life. This past year I have finally after three years in Hollywood made some good friends outside of my band. I’ve been social around other young people somewhat normally and not only professionally for the first time in literally years, especially after all that awful homeschooling, moving, forced to drop out drama in high school. I don’t really know why u am writing this. It’s more for myself then for anyone to read. I guess just to look back on one day or something, hopefully when things are much better than they even are now.
I just hope one day the pleasure will be worth all the pain. Anyways, cute 1800s cat photo right? I thought it was appropriate. It’s almost 2 am and sirens are blaring through my windows. Gotta love Hollywood. Haha